Memories
by BlueFoxofWater1569
Summary: Her first return to her church after a dreaded storm, and memories come over her. Zerith


****

Memories  
By BlueFox

__

Listening to the song 'Memories' by Within Temptation got me thinking…and then reading the lyrics made me realize, that this is a perfect song for them. Enjoy, and review if you so wish!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

**__**

Memories…  
Memories…  
Memories...

He was like…a cloud, drifting in the blue sky. We looked up at the sky through a break in the clouds one day. The promise we made then…was the last conversation I ever had with him.

**__**

In this world you tried,  
Not leaving me alone, behind.  
There's no other way,  
I pray to the gods let him stay.  
The memories cease the pain inside.  
Now I know why.

It's been five years. Five full years since we met last. I don't know where you are, or if you are still here. I miss you. The calm I hear when I'm in my church is so large, too large, without your voice to fill it's corners and cracks, and the sky above. Without your laughter, it seems as though my life is taking a quieter pace. I don't like it, my heart throbs without you here. I miss your jokes, your smile, and your hugs. Gently, I kneel down and affectionately stroke the petals of a lone black tulip. It reminds me so much of you, or rather, your hair. Oh, Zack, I need you. Even if it's just a glimpse, let me know where you are, that you're all right._ Where are you?_

**__**

All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagining you here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears.

It rained that night. I slept fitfully, nightmares of an ambush, rivulets of blood trailing down your face as you fought. I awoke, heart thrusting its way from my chest. I can't tell if it's real or not. I can still feel you, faintly. Like Mom's husband's spirit. But you're fading, fast. You're still fighting, right? Smiling, joking, laughing? Oh, I can't wait to hear the stories you'll have to tell, when you make it. Stepping inside the church, I stop, frozen. The black tulip…_your _tulip, is dead. I run to it, hoping I can salvage it. It drowned from the rain last night. Bowing my head, I take it as a sign. _You're gone, aren't you?_

****

_Made me promise I'd try,  
To find my way back in this life.  
Hope there is a way,  
To give me a sign you're okay.  
Reminds me it's worth it all.  
So I can go home._

My confirmation came when I felt your presence fade away completely, away from my grasp. I look up, as if maybe I can see your spirit myself. Holding the tulip closely to my chest, I scan the sky, my eyes clouding over with silent tears. Five years of waiting…to hear you, see you again. A silent sob shudders through my body, as the Planet carries to me a heart wrenching, anguished scream. Is it mine? I'll never see you alive, will I? Memories of you…that's all have now, isn't it? I feel my body go numb as I bow my head. It's so cold, now. My church is dark and foreboding, unfamiliar. Slowly, I back away, heading for the door, as one silent tear falls down my cheek. _Were you crying, when you left?_

****

_All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent moments,  
Imagining you here.  
All of my memories keep you near.  
In silent whispers, silent tears._

How long has it been, since I've seen my flowers? How long has it been, since I've used that ribbon? How long has it been, since the roof came crashing down on me? How long has it been, since you've left this Plane of Existence? I don't know anymore, I can't keep track of dates any longer. Each day is longer, more unbearable. I can slowly feel depression taking a tighter hold on me. But holding it at bay, are my memories. _"Angel?"_ I'll always remember that. You thought I was an angel when you first say me…but I'd say you always have been the angel, and now you really are one, aren't you? _Someday, I want wings like yours, too._

****

_Together in all these memories,  
I see your smile.  
All of the memories I hold dear.  
Darling you know I'll love you,  
Til the end of time._

Today, I've decided to return to my church. I know it's dangerous, seeing as a Reactor was bombed only yesterday, but I feel something pulling me there. As I did my hair in my braid, my hand paused over my many assortments of ribbons. Which one should I use? Slowly, I reached for my blue one, but then stopped, seeing the pink one you bought me. I see your smile, and I see your tears. I can't tell you how painful it was for you to cry. But it's even worse when you aren't here. But somehow, I know you are. You're my guardian, and you always have been, haven't you? I put the pink ribbon in my hair with a newfound vigor. _You're here, just where I can't see you, right?_

****

_All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments,  
Imagining you here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
In silent whispers, silent tears._

As I tend to my still beautiful flowers, I remembered the blond man I met just yesterday. He resembled you so much, for a second, I though you had dyed your hair. But there was an emptiness to his eyes that you didn't have. They glowed, yes, but not the way yours did. But he bought a flower from me, and offered me a small smile, as if I had made his day just a little more brighter. Maybe I did. But I wish someone could do that for me. Your presence is still so strong here, that it suffocating me. Tending to my flowers, I'll have to stop and just sit there, letting the moment when my tears come pass. _Will this pain ever pass?_

****

_All of my memories…  
Silence…  
Silence…  
Silence...  
Silence..._

There is a break in the silence as I hear a roar from above. I smile bitterly. Did I go back in time? Or am I just too far in my memories to separate reality from memories? I hear someone cry out, 'Cloud!' My brows furrow, as I don't recall that ever happening. I look up, seeing the blond man from yesterday freefalling from above. I run to the safety of three rows away from my flowers as he makes the large hole you did even bigger. When the dust finally settles, I tentatively poke my head out and looked over. He was unconscious, and in the _exact_ same position you had been when you had fallen. Is this your gift to me? Who is he? Then I remembered the other voice calling out. Cloud. You told me about him, before…spiky blond hair and bright blue eyes…this man was your shadow?

Slowly, I approached him, unsure of what to do. He looks like you, but so many things are different…times are different. I kneel down at his side, like I had with you, and looked him over for wounds. He seemed unhurt, just unconscious. I curiously look up, too see if anyone is above. I wonder if he was fighting someone, like you had been? But then, there was movement from him, and I looked down. It wasn't much, just a jerk of his left leg, and a slight frown on his face. Hesitantly, I reached out, feeling my heart throb as my memories of your entrance jumped around in my mind. Pushing his hair back from his face, his left leg jerked out again, almost kicking me.

"Oh! It moved!" I cried softly in surprise, before putting my hands over my mouth. I didn't want to wake him. I didn't want things to turn out the same, like they had before. His eyelids fluttered and he moaned softly. I am about to rise, flee, let him work things out on his own, when something stops me.

"……How about that?" You…you are here, watching. But where, where? "Take it slow now." Slowly, I take a deep breath. I understand. I think I'll try… "Little by little……" I can almost hear you smiling at me, encouraging me.

"Hello, hello?" I ask the blond man.

"Hey, who…are you?" He sounded confused, but I wasn't sure whom he was talking to who…you or me.

"Hello, hello!"

__

Where are you?

You're gone, aren't you?

Were you crying, when you left?

Someday, I want wings like yours, too.

You're here, just where I can't see you, right?

Will this pain ever pass?

Songfic dedicated to Zack and Aerith.


End file.
